š¼š¶This song in my heartā¤ļø, this song in my soul, this song I was born to singš¤, it's Your songšøĀ of freedom. Now I'm free to dancešĀ again!šµ
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š¶I'll singš¤Ā in the darkness, I'll laughš¤£Ā in the rain, rejoice in Your lovešĀ again. It's Your songšøĀ of freedom, now I'm free to dancešĀ again!š¶
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Clive & I spent some time away in New Plymouth this week, for a little bit of rest & reprieve. A whole 373km travelling, that would have taken us maybe 4 hours back in South Africa took almost 5 hours & for most of the time it was pouring with rain. By the time we got from the car into our accommodation, we were drenched.
After the committee meeting Elias challenged me to get bored enough to do some painting, reading or.... *writing* šš
It was just too cold to unpack my easel, but finally started working on the AFTER painting for Donal's vision from April 2022 for which the BEFORE version has been waiting to be completed for almost 2 years. The benefit of painting digitally was that I could remain huddled under a blanket to stay warm without the risk of getting paint all over it.
On Tuesday it was still cold, rainy & windy We had breakfast at Manous CafƩ & Restaurant. Then we took advantage of the break in rain to explore some beautiful churches until the rain returned & we went to the museum & shopping center to stay relatively dry.
I spent the evening painting & writing some more. I also ended up working on an email I was tasked on Monday but I was fretting & avoiding it.
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For some reason the LIE, "I can't write!" just didn't want to budge, or so it seemed & Elias wasn't giving me an easy way out. He wants to see the UGLY.
On Wednesday it was still icy cold. After aĀ lazy morning, we had a lovely lunch at the Treehouse Bar & Bistro. It was cold but dry enough that we were able to take a walk along the beach at Paritutu Centenial Park.
On Thursday we woke up to clear, sunny skies, but we were due to leave by 10am to head home. We managed to get a couple of snapshots along the way & got home around 4pm.
Back at work this morning I was singing & humming again.
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We're currently gearing up to arrange a conference for 250 people, a responsibility that's going to be entirely on my shoulders which reminds me of a previous colleague's regular comment "Pak maar, Patrizia se skouers is breed!" (Keep packing, Patrizia has broad shoulders) which interestingly, was a comment that Peter made after an Elijah House gathering earlier this year.š¤
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Up to now, the biggest events I've arranged entirely were our wedding & our 30th wedding anniversary dinner. During my 5 years as Moms in Action Secretary, the chairlady did all the planning, organising. I did all admin, the invitations, the tracking, helped setup the venues & followed orders.Quite honestly, a couple of weeks ago the thought of organising events scared the hell out of me and for a moment there I felt intimidation & inadequacy but the warrior in me is finally rising up to the challenge.
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At least on the writing front I'm making progress. I had to do another email. Elias wanted the UGLY & this time it took maybe 20 minutes & this time there was very little anxiety around having him approve it.
What I've recognised this week is that there was still residual of that darn old fear of rejection, my voice has no value & need for approval...
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I also realised that I have spent my life living in compliance, just following orders, doing as I was told & not having a voice. I don't quite know what to do with all this newly found trust in my abilities when I'm still doubting myself.
God gave me my voice back in June 2020Ā & now Elias is giving me opportunities to use it but I'm still unsure how to do that. I may not be the Lion, but it has fallen onto me to release His roar. Intellectually, I know my words have value because I'm a faith-filled, life-speaking, fully devoted follower of Christ that speaks encouraging, life-giving words to build others up. However there are still some areas of my little-girl heart that need evangelising.
What I've learnt this week, is that even when we've repented of our judgments& expectations & renounced the LIES we've come to believe, the enemy will continue to bring doubt to try to stop us from walking in the victory Christ has already won for us.
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Just like the spirit of heaviness that still comes knocking regularly these LIES, too will have to be resisted until God helps me smash them completely. I just need to acknowledge that it's just a current belief that He will help me smash.
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The question, "Did God really say...?" Started in the garden of Eden but will continue haunting us until Christ returns in glory & splendour.
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Our old sinful habits won't die easily & the new ways of protecting our hearts are like muscles that need to be practiced & flexed to become stronger over time. There is no long-lasting, quick-fix to our old sinful nature. When we ask God to move a mountain we have to be prepared to wake up next to the shovel... it takes DISCIPLINE & ACCOUNTABILITY to learn to walk in new, Godly ways.
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We have to continuously abide in the Vine. Without Him, we will easily succomb to the temptations to return to the familiar every time something unresolved resurfaces.Ā We have to see to it that we don't come short of the grace of God & that no root of bitterness springs up to cause trouble, and by it many become defiled; Hebrews 12:15
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Yet again, knowledge will never overwrite experience & the only way to gain experience, is by getting into the water & learning to swim.Ā
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God has graciously & miraculously provided this job so I could see for myself that I am indeed CAPABLE & WORTHY. I'm also learning the skills I need for my big, hairy, audacious dream. I'm slowly starting to see the bigger vision, how God is repositioning me & adding people who are here to help. Things are slowly falling into place.
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Even though it's tough at times, I am grateful that the Lord has teamed me up with a great man of faith who exemplifies āā1 Peterā¬ 5:3ā¬ to not lord it over the people assigned to their care, but lead them by their own good example. He won't give me a "get out of jail free card" but draws out the potential & holds me accountable.Ā He sees the glimpses of Diamonds & gold in me & is constantly challenging me to discover those God-given skills & abilities, I have have been unable to see for so long.
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I'm finally learning & accepting that asking for help, even from Copilot, is not a sign of weakness, failure or even inauthenticity. I'm thankful Elias has loads of experience I can learn from, that he believes in me & that he's here to help.
It's not by power nor might, but by My Spirit, says the Lord
Once again, God has done great & wonderous things for me...
ā¬[11] You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, [12] that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!
Psalms 30:11-12 NLT
Once again, God has done great & wonderous things IN & trough me...
34 odd years ago, I was known at Sanlam Head Office in Bellville, Cape Town as the girl that was always walking around singing... it's been a long time, but that singing girl is resurfacing.
He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind.
The lines have indeed fallen for me in pleasant places.
He has set my feet to dancing & my heart rejoicing.
I will rejoice for He has made me glad!
IN his presence, there is fulness of JOY!ššš„³š
That joy is not dependent on our circumstances but on constantly spending time in Christ's presence & getting to know His character.
Finally, I'll leave you with these old songs that have recently resurfaced in my heart:
For those who may be wondering why I'm so joyful & dancing all the time during worship, you can read more of my testimonies of all that God has done for me at my "This is my Story" page.
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