I stumbled across this post on my LinkedIn feed on Thursday morning & it seriously rattled my cage...😢🤔I can still feel the tightness on my chest as I process...
Over the years I've come to believe some very strong foundational lies in the area of creative things I believed I can't do:
1. I can't sing!
2. I can't dance!
3. I can't draw!
4. I can't paint!
5. I can't write!
6. I can't teach!
7. I can't speak publicly!
In reality, though they are all rooted in FEAR & the first 4 have been resolved since I've embarked on my healing journey, leaving me with numbers 3 to 7 yet to be resolved.
Decades ago, as a teen, I used to write poetry when things were tough, but for some reason, I don't know why, but I just stopped & my brother has been trying to encourage me over the last few years to try again, but at most I've managed 2 lines & then came up empty...
I can't even remember how many times I've been told to write a book after sharing my testimony, but here I'm still captive in the LIE that " I can't write!"
Later, at the office, I was typing up an acknowledgement email for the National Award Submissions, Elias had asked me to send. He wanted me to make it more personal but I kind of freaked out inwardly & heard myself say "but I can't write" to which he replied, "stop it, or I'll bury you alive in a box!" I haven't heard that one in a few weeks, but then I haven't been beating myself up as much as I used to when I first started working with him. (Watch "Stop It!!!" for context) He also said, he knew I had it in me & challenged me to have it done before I left to take Misha to the optometrist. Later when I took my email for him to check, he told me a story & ended with: "Before I read this, is this the best you can do?" to which I replied, "I think so. " Well, he approved it, but that didn't end my turmoil yet.
He came out of his office later asking why I was suddenly so quiet. Apparently, he had noticed, I've always been singing or humming whilst working. I deflected, blaming it on focusing on what I was doing & not having my headphones with music in but as I was journaling, I realised that wasn't quite true... I felt like a dear in the headlights & was wrestling with the inner turmoil & too ashamed to admit I was struggling.😞 Eish, I realise now I was hiding but when Elias came to find me, I pushed him away🤦♀️😢 & for that I've had to ask for forgiveness.
Sandra teaches, when we step on someone's toes, we must apologise but when we hurt their hearts we must repent & ask for forgiveness to restore trust & relationship... shutting people out who care enough to help will hurt their heart💔.
It took 3 days before I was able to tell Clive what I'm dealing with & now, he's threatening to tell my boss on me 😂because I've been beating myself up for days🤦♀️Apparently the boss knows a little bit about boxes 📦🤪 I just hope he also knows how to find people that run & hide in boxes.
Well, apparently God's still not finished with me yet 🤔 & the foundational LIE "I can't write…!" seems to be next in line for uprooting once wounding, judgments, expectations & inner vows have been discovered.
Wait, there's more... Yet another unbelieving area of my heart that needs to be transformed. I was hoping for a breather before the next uproot but apparently Holy Spirit has other plans.
I'm bracing myself for another fireball of cleansing as He helps me dig up the judgments, expectations & inner vows behind this LIE still holding me hostage.
I guess the rapid succession of uprooting this year means there's an assignment waiting that needs me to be FREE.
This is where I'll be writing it UGLY for now https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story but please bear with me as I wait for WiX to help me resolve the dynamic page links that are currently not working correctly.
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