God has so graciously redeemed my birthday and as I pause to reflect on the journey I’ve travelled – the mountains I’ve climbed and the valleys I’ve navigated – I see every reason to celebrate. This morning I actually woke up very excited about my birthday for the first time in my life.

This year has been extraordinary—marked by growth, breakthroughs, and deep healing. It was a season when I stepped into spaces I once thought were impossible. This hasn’t been a path I’ve walked alone, and my heart overflows with gratitude for those who have stood by me, encouraged me, and lifted me up along the way.

Today, we gathered family, friends, and community to celebrate – not just another birthday but six years of new life and victory in Christ. It was a moment to give thanks for overcoming a lifelong battle with depression and to rejoice in the many beautiful ways God has brought healing, hope, and transformation into this season.

I'm so grateful for everyone who has contributed to my story and created a safe space for me to heal. I wouldn’t be here today without them loving me back to life.

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/%22earn-your-keep!%22

It all began in January after a massive fight with Clive over putting up a training channel on my website so I could "earn some money". Every time he mentioned earning money, I got triggered. Eventually, I found myself outside in the garden in anger and despair, ripping out the wheat with my bare hands and crying uncontrollably when the Lord gave me a memory. I remembered how my mom had decided as a 16-year-old that it wasn't worth my finishing school and that I should go to a hotel school to work. It didn't work out for her because she was told I needed Matric to be accepted, but for me, the foundational lie that I had to earn my keep was solidified, and I have struggled with guilt over not earning money even as a housewife.

After I confronted the lie, God, in His kindness, miraculously opened the door to a part-time job, one in hindsight, had I known the roller-coaster ride it would become, I probably would have run away. However, that opportunity became the catalyst for healing unresolved leadership and work-related trauma. I guess that's why the Lord gives us just enough light for the step we're on.

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/leading-from-the-stop

Then, at the end of May, I spent a whole Saturday reading the book Leading from the Stop. and I got to these three points on the last page:

• You're not in trouble.

• We believe in you.

• And we are here to help

that tripped me up good & solid.

I found myself in Elias' office on Monday morning, totally distraught and would hear those same points regularly for a couple of weeks and I would later discover that for each and every one of these points, I had a judgment, an expectation and an inner vow preventing me from receiving.

In early childhood, I had come to believe

• Everything going wrong is my fault

• Nobody will believe me therefore there's no point in speaking up for myself

• And nobody will be there to help me; therefore, I have to help myself.

That meant all the people wanting to help me, all the people believing in me, I didn't have the capacity to receive it.

So yes, today I repeat these words for everybody here. I believe in you and am here to help.

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/standing-in-the-need-of-prayer

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/growth-requires-vulnerability-

One of the hardest lessons for me has been learning to be vulnerable—not just in sharing past testimonies but in admitting current struggles. As I stepped into that uncomfortable space, incredible things began to unfold—not only in my life but in the lives of others. In our groups, people became more open, more willing to share their stories, and brave enough to ask for prayer. It’s been such a powerful reminder of how God works through connection and community.

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/mantle-of-nobility

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/the-story-of-my-name

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/leveraging-god

I read quite a few books this year and they were all done in one day. I mean, I struggled. That name that I've struggled with for four years. Remember Fiona, when God first started speaking about Patrizia and I was resisting? We finally nailed it. Because of chapter 3 in this book, I finally took the lid off. So we've now crucified all the other names. Trixi is the only one that remains. Every other nickname has been brought to the cross. I go with Patrizia now and if you struggle with that, I have grace for people to use Trixi.

Patrizia means of noble birth and that's been my struggle. I have been struggling all of my life to accept that I am of noble birth and that's why I now appreciate those who call me Patrizia and if you struggle with that, go with Trixi which means bringer of joy. And if I don't bring you joy, then I'm not living up to my name. So then tell me, to make a change, right?

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/the-lion-%26-the-eagle

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/free-to-dance

This is another struggle I had. I had prayer ministry a couple of years ago, and he saw me in a birdcage with the lion standing and protecting me. And my struggle here has been that I couldn't lead because my perception of leaders was reaching success, being a successful leader meant people were going to get trampled on. My heart is for the people. So for me, that would mean failure, right? This caused me to be stuck between the fear of success and the fear of failure because I didn't want to fail the people but I didn't want to be successful because that meant failing the people because I would have to step on some people. That was my perception but Andy, Elias, Lynn and the team at The Crate have helped me get a better perception of what leadership really looks like. It freed me from the fears that had kept me stuck—fear of failure on one side and fear of success on the other.

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/you-are-loved

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/uitskryfwerk

I've also realised that my identification of LOVE has been distorted by childhood emotional neglect, constant criticism & many occurrences of rejection and abandonment. It didn't matter how much people loved me according to 1 Corinthians 13,

Helping me break through this barrier was one of the biggest I've had this year. My church crowd will know about it. I was asked to do a paint party for Sunday school , and I needed to pre-trace all these hearts onto the canvases. Then, when I finished doing all the tracing, I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Now, I want you to take your Sharpie and "Colour the I love you" on all 21 of those canvases. And I was sitting there for about two hours.

By the time I got to number 15, I was crying my heart out. Clive came in, and he said, "Why are you crying?" I said I don't know. Why is it so hard to love myself? Well, he said, it's obvious you are loved, the evidence is all over the place.

Well, a couple of days later, Monday after encounter group and watching Sandra's lesson this came up and Ester ended up praying with me. What came up in my heart was love is not criticism, love is not rude and love doesn't neglect. Love is not all those things I had experienced as a little girl & identified love to be.

So no matter how much people loved me, according to the 1 Corinthians 13 standards, I wasn't able to receive what you had to offer because deep down, I was constantly waiting, expecting that if you love me, you're going to shout at me, you're going to criticise me, you're going to beat me down & be mean.

That's what I had experienced. Love for me meant neglect, rejection, and abandonment. All of that is what I was waiting for and because I didn't receive that I didn't feel loved. That's what I associated love with. So that's another big one that we managed to break through.

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/connected-the-dots…

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/we-beat-social-anxiety

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/invest

Another breakthrough came when I finally conquered my lifelong battle with social anxiety. It didn't matter where I went; it didn't matter how big the crowd was; if there were strangers in the crowd, I would be freaking out on the inside. Social anxiety has been my life story.

Sandra once shared a word of knowledge with me—“Invest”—and this year, I checked off the final item from her list. I bought makeup for the CCNNZ Awards Gala Dinner and, for the first time, allowed myself to express my beauty. This week, I attended a conference on my own, wearing a bright red dress, and graciously received compliments I would have once shied away from. Elias, saw upfront and personal for weeks before the CCNNZ Awards Gala Dinner. One week prior, I bought makeup for the Gala dinner and with that, I checked off the last items on Sandra's word of knowledge to “Invest” from 4 years ago. I checked off the final item from her list when finally, for the first time, I allowed myself to express the beauty of me.

Three days before the event, I was sitting through another encounter group lesson. And Sandy was speaking about displacement trauma when the penny dropped. Because of the 34 moves, when I stopped counting as an 18-year-old, I stopped making an effort to fit in because moving to South Africa as a 5-year-old was already a 5th move, and by then, I'd already decided relationships wouldn't last. So, I connected the dots and finally dealt with that one. And then, three days later, I walked into the venue with 300 people but not an ounce of anxiety.

Clive has been affirming and complimenting me for decades.  Elias has been speaking. Lynn and Andy and the crowd, always beautiful affirmations. They see in me what I haven't been able to see in me. But they've spoken these things over me, even when I couldn't receive it yet. But in the process of speaking, they've helped rebuild my shelves to be able to accept love, protection, and affirmations, which I was not able to receive.

I signed up for a Speakers Institute conference this week. I attended a conference on my own, wearing a bright red dress, and graciously received compliments I would previously have shied away from. I ended up in the front row & even struck up a few conversations with some random strangers.

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/battle-between-heart

Nothing lasts, relationships don't last.

Those were decisions I made as a six year old already. Friendships don't last. Oh, marriage doesn't last. I've been waiting for 32 years for my husband to drop out on me because deep inside, up until October, I still believed that men aren't safe. Marriage doesn't last. Marriage isn't safe.

Nothing lost, nothing that's good will ever last. That has been my journey. So, thanks to Sandra, we managed to deal with this one.

But yes, that was my next big one. This November. So, for those of you who wonder why worship is what I do, worship is my life.

This is why I worship. Because when I worship, depression has to flee. And God sends his angels to protect and to be there for me and to support me.

It's taken me two years to start listening to God before I started moving my feet. When he started speaking about coming back to my first love. This is what I used to do in the early 90s when I first came to Christ.

We did worship, dance and drama. And I stopped because life happened. But he asked me to pick it up and it took me two years to get my feet moving. But I finally got there.

Through all this, I’ve been overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness. For decades, I wrestled with depression — a battle that often felt impossible to overcome. But this year has been a celebration of freedom and healing. For the first time, I’ve not had a “trigger season” at all. God has taken the broken pieces of my life and turned them into something beautiful — bringing hope where there was despair and joy where there was heaviness.

As I reflect, I see how God has restored not only my heart and mind but also my relationships, purpose, and vision. He has called me into new places — places of courage, faith, and boldness. Every breakthrough, every answered prayer, and every moment of healing is a testimony to His goodness and love.

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/where-am-i

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/where-am-i-going

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/howcan-i-going-to-get-there

Last year has been a time of testing and pruning, but through it all, God’s faithfulness has been so evident.

Where am I going? That's a big one. Up until last December, I didn't have a clue.

But I have got this funny feeling God is launching me into something greater than myself. So this year, last year in December, when I decided to grow intentionally, I did a masterclass with John Maxwell. And I just made that decision: I will intentionally grow, and then suddenly, within weeks, things happened, and now I'm signed up for a couple of coaching courses and a boot camp to address the stuff I've been running from all of my life.

My goals for 2025 are:

• Growth in discipleship

• Intentional personal growth

• Build long-lasting relationships

• Become fluent in in-person communication & learn to articulate my emotions.

• Discover & uproot self-limiting beliefs

• Step into leadership with confidence

• Embrace comfort & the authenticity of my own skin

• Uncover the gold & diamonds in me.

• Believe in ME

• Love ME

and to that end, I'm signed up for these courses:

1. Become a World Class Communicator

   1. The 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication

      
      

2. Maxwell Growth Plan

   1. 15 Laws of Growth

   2. Developing the Leader Within You

   3. Every Day With Purpose

      
      

3. Speakers Institute Bootcamp

So yes, that's where we're going.

Watch this space as I grow from glory to glory.

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/the-book-in-you

This year, my focus is on personal development—mastering communication, growing in leadership, and stepping further into the calling God has placed on my life for those who've been encouraging me to write a book; I'm starting to embrace the possibility. In the interim, you're welcome to follow my story as it unfolds on my website, www.trixiscreations.com, or by scanning the QR code on the screen.

For those of you that have asked for the book, I don't think I'll do it this year, because I've got a lot going. But a great guy said, if you do it ugly, just do it. So, for those of you who are interested in following the story, it is there. If you scan the QR code, I can leave it on later. You scan that QR code, you get to my website.

So the bits and pieces, every one of these stories that I've just shared are on there. They're rough on the edges, they need a lot of work, and they will eventually become a book. I don't know when yet. Please be patient and show grace.

• https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/glimpses-of-diamonds-gold

Today, we’ve gathered family, friends, and community to celebrate – not just another birthday but six years of new life and victory in Christ. It’s a moment to give thanks for overcoming a lifelong battle with depression and to rejoice in the many beautiful ways God has brought healing, hope, and transformation into this season.

Together, we’ll reflect and celebrate the goodness of God – because this journey, with all its challenges and triumphs, is truly worthy of honour.

This journey hasn’t been one I’ve walked alone and there are a few key people here that have profoundly influenced my journey.

First of all, thank you to all for contributing to my story by creating a safe space for me to heal. I wouldn't be here today without your loving me back to life since we got here three years ago after being displaced by vaccine passports.

Shatzi, thank you for not giving up on me, even when I shut you out for 32 years. Deep down, I was a wounded little girl who believed men were unsafe and good things wouldn’t last. But you selflessly became God’s hands, helping to rebuild the shelves of my heart to receive love, protection, and affirmation. I wanted to say that while I wasn't exactly spoilt when I married you, you're certainly spoiling me now – and not just on this day, but every single day of the year. I wanted to say that while I wasn't exactly spoilt when I married you, you're certainly spoiling me now – and not just on the special days, but every single day of the year. Thank you, Shatzi, for being my constant support, my greatest cheerleader, and the love of my life.

To my boys, Jesse and Misha, I know I haven’t always communicated or loved you as well as I should. But you are my world. Please know how much I love you, even when words fail me.

Vanessa and Craig have been around since the early 2000s and of the few people who were there to support me through the last of my miscarriages before Misha was born.

Carrie and Hugh, whom we met just 2 weeks after landing in New Zealand because of her twin sister's recommendation, have become our family and supported us through the worst of turmoil and even assisted with house moves and cleaning.

I’ve learned that God uses fathers to heal the wounds inflicted by fathers, mothers to heal those inflicted by mothers, leaders to heal the wounds caused by leaders, and pastors to restore what other pastors may have broken. Many of you have been influential in one of these ways.

Pastor David & pastor Bijoy's warmth and support became my lifeline when we were displaced by vaccine passports. Thank you for creating a safe environment for me to heal and for trusting me to step into leadership.

Fiona has been part of my transformational journey since I joined the Cleansing Stream intercessory team after my Cleansing Stream Freedom Day in 2019. She's the one who sent the "Trauma Training"  webinar email that introduced me to Elijah House prayer ministry & set me on this journey of healing transformation.

Andy's business leaders' breakfasts and the crowd attending it, have shown me what true leadership looks like.

Elias saw the glimpses of gold and diamonds in me that I couldn’t see. They say diamonds are made by taking carbon and putting it under immense pressure, and to find the gold, you have to sift a lot of dirt. He did put me under immense pressure and sifted a lot of dirt. He believed in me when I didn't believe in myself and his encouragement has drawn me forward and helped me work through many areas of unresolved trauma, and I'm finally starting to see the glimpses of diamonds and gold,  too.

https://www.trixiscreations.com/this-is-my-story/i-see…

And the last one, when you don't know who you are, and you post on Facebook the question, who am I? And my beautiful friend, Ester responded with these words:

• I see, I see love,

• I see excellence,

• I see care,

• I see a friend,

• I see a confidant,

• I see an advocate,

• I see a cheer team,

• and I see you.

Ester joined my encounter group last February and have learned so quickly. Often times I would get triggered at work but her friendship, support and prayer ministry over the last year has helped me work through some deep wounding.

And to everyone who has prayed with me, encouraged me, or simply offered a smile or a hug—thank you. Love, for me, is spelled TIME and TOUCH. Your acts of kindness have been a reflection of God’s heart, and they’ve helped bring about my healing and restoration.

Thanks, guys. Thank you for seeing me, even when I couldn't see myself. What a privilege it is doing life with you.

I love you guys. Thanks.

As I close, let me leave you with two scriptures that carried me through this year’s roller-coaster moments:

Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 3:20-21: Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

As we celebrate not just another birthday but six years of new life and overcoming in Christ, I want to rejoice and give thanks. This isn’t just about me—it’s about what God has done and continues to do in and through all of us. He is the One who transforms, redeems, and restores.

Let’s celebrate His goodness together. Let’s pursue healing so that God may be glorified. With Him, all things are truly possible.

This is my happy place & my prayer...

Worship is my wisdom & my weapon.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this word I received during prayer at life group earlier this month, though: "I saw you leading some dance.

I saw you leading a dance movement like you know you see on the television you sometimes see Shen Wen in the Chinese thing. I saw you leading a Christian version of Shen Wen, you know, like sort of like really moving into the kingdom with an army of dancers, you know, and I feel like God's saying to you that there's a missing piece in your heart for dancing and for leading in dancing and for choreography. Don't deny this, you know, this is something that I feel God wants to use in ministry as well as for yourself, you know, right."